Having fled a burning house myself, I can relate to so much of this. I sheltered up the road with friends, having no wish to see the flames. A neighbour went out to film it and, thankfully, another neighbour, to whom we are closer, stopped him with a roar of indignation.
I also think a sense of safety is fundamental to our mental equilibrium. The counsellor I was provided with after breast cancer pointed this out to me. My parents had lied to me in fundamental ways when I was a child, destroying my confidence in my first family unit; I had lost my house to the fire (though rebuilt); I lost my career when long-distance caring for my father (dementia) and I lost my sense of safety in my own body with the cancer diagnosis. No wonder I was a little anxious!
Finally, to my mind, Marie Kwondo has exaggerated an intrinsically worthwhile creed in order to package and market it. I often feel we buy in order to distract ourselves from the basic, eternal truths. But objects which relate to memories, to people or places, objects carefully chosen for comfort or beauty, are worthwhile distractions and contribute to the sense of being 'at home'. Certainly, a home may provide a false sense of safety, given that life's plans can be upturned in a terrible instant, but still it is necessary.
Louette, thank you for this. So much there, your losses, your openness, all expressed so eloquently. Thank you for sharing, you’ve added increased insight to this post. M x
Post divorce (2nd one), I’ve created a safe, cosy and peaceful home which I love. When my daughter leaves this year into her own home, I’ll likely move on as I yearn ever smaller accommodations. The house I lived in when married was gorgeous inasmuch as it was a typical, large detached house with a driveway for several cars blah blah blah but being unhappy within it because of my failing marriage means my memories of it feel cold and even borderline frightening. My memories of my current home will, I absolutely know, feel warm, safe and uplifting. I’ll find my next home for my dogs and I and feel confident it will be the safety, security and peace that I will create which will make it home for us.
How sad that your move to the country has been marred by such an awful landlord. We aren’t all bad! I only truly realised just how much my home was a part of me when I put it up for sale. I found that I detested people coming into my safe space, and I ultimately found nothing better in my ‘new home’ search.
It has been utterly devastating observing the destruction to people’s lives from the fires in California. It strengthen’s one’s belief in just how valuable personal effects, but especially, home is. It’s not just bricks and mortar but memories, the struggles to get it in the first place, and the hard work creating our own little, or large, nest.
Exactly that. Interesting too what you say about what happened when you put your home up for sale. I think this is one reason I had to never be there when viewings were happening. PS See my latest post about The Let Them theory... I refuse to allow one sad individual to mar my journey, it's all part of it. Admittedly, I'm happier to be almost on the other side of this particular chapter though!
I was never there when prospective buyers did a viewing but just couldn’t adjust to the feeling of my privacy being invaded! I am working on the Let The, theory and told a friend about it too. I’m loving the trajectory your posts are taking - such thought provoking material.
Michelle, my heart went out to you with regard to your landlord's behaviour. I'm so sorry you had to endure this. The bane of the 'entitled' man, especially the ones with not enough to do!
Thank you. I’m trying to take it all as valuable learnings, but I confess it has been incredibly distressing at times, especially when trying to shield a child from your own feelings of being threatened.
Having fled a burning house myself, I can relate to so much of this. I sheltered up the road with friends, having no wish to see the flames. A neighbour went out to film it and, thankfully, another neighbour, to whom we are closer, stopped him with a roar of indignation.
I also think a sense of safety is fundamental to our mental equilibrium. The counsellor I was provided with after breast cancer pointed this out to me. My parents had lied to me in fundamental ways when I was a child, destroying my confidence in my first family unit; I had lost my house to the fire (though rebuilt); I lost my career when long-distance caring for my father (dementia) and I lost my sense of safety in my own body with the cancer diagnosis. No wonder I was a little anxious!
Finally, to my mind, Marie Kwondo has exaggerated an intrinsically worthwhile creed in order to package and market it. I often feel we buy in order to distract ourselves from the basic, eternal truths. But objects which relate to memories, to people or places, objects carefully chosen for comfort or beauty, are worthwhile distractions and contribute to the sense of being 'at home'. Certainly, a home may provide a false sense of safety, given that life's plans can be upturned in a terrible instant, but still it is necessary.
Louette, thank you for this. So much there, your losses, your openness, all expressed so eloquently. Thank you for sharing, you’ve added increased insight to this post. M x
Post divorce (2nd one), I’ve created a safe, cosy and peaceful home which I love. When my daughter leaves this year into her own home, I’ll likely move on as I yearn ever smaller accommodations. The house I lived in when married was gorgeous inasmuch as it was a typical, large detached house with a driveway for several cars blah blah blah but being unhappy within it because of my failing marriage means my memories of it feel cold and even borderline frightening. My memories of my current home will, I absolutely know, feel warm, safe and uplifting. I’ll find my next home for my dogs and I and feel confident it will be the safety, security and peace that I will create which will make it home for us.
I sincerely wish for all of this for you too. And I have absolutely no doubt that you will make it happen as you understand its power.
How sad that your move to the country has been marred by such an awful landlord. We aren’t all bad! I only truly realised just how much my home was a part of me when I put it up for sale. I found that I detested people coming into my safe space, and I ultimately found nothing better in my ‘new home’ search.
It has been utterly devastating observing the destruction to people’s lives from the fires in California. It strengthen’s one’s belief in just how valuable personal effects, but especially, home is. It’s not just bricks and mortar but memories, the struggles to get it in the first place, and the hard work creating our own little, or large, nest.
Exactly that. Interesting too what you say about what happened when you put your home up for sale. I think this is one reason I had to never be there when viewings were happening. PS See my latest post about The Let Them theory... I refuse to allow one sad individual to mar my journey, it's all part of it. Admittedly, I'm happier to be almost on the other side of this particular chapter though!
I was never there when prospective buyers did a viewing but just couldn’t adjust to the feeling of my privacy being invaded! I am working on the Let The, theory and told a friend about it too. I’m loving the trajectory your posts are taking - such thought provoking material.
Michelle, my heart went out to you with regard to your landlord's behaviour. I'm so sorry you had to endure this. The bane of the 'entitled' man, especially the ones with not enough to do!
Thank you. I’m trying to take it all as valuable learnings, but I confess it has been incredibly distressing at times, especially when trying to shield a child from your own feelings of being threatened.