Hi Michelle, I only subscribed this year but I enjoy all your posts. This one in particular has really resonated with me, my mother died almost 2 years ago and I have most of her house living in my spare room. I walk in, and immediately walk out again, overwhelmed, not just about living with my loss, but incapable of saying goodbye to my childhood, my life. What you wrote, I think, will help me find the courage to look forward instead of looking back.
Though of course there’s always the possibility that I’m just incredibly lazy 😂.
This is powerful! Your realisation. The awareness. Now you really can bring it into the light. It won't be easy because it's so deeply emotional. But when you start to sort through all of her things, deciding what to keep, and what you can let go of, the emotions will flood through you, and that's good. You need to allow it to happen. Not lock it away. Peace lies on the other side. M xxx
This post chimed with me, also. I think my house only really came together after our house fire, which was a process that taught me a lot about myself, both in the immediate decisions - what you take from a burning house does, indeed, reveal something about yourself - and in the few weeks afterwards, when we were faced with ruin, not knowing if the insurance company would pay up. I remember us resolving to use the opportunity to travel, in a van, with the dog, which was hardly a long-term future but indicated certain priorities, too. I threw away so much stuff after that and I think I've gone too far the other way. The lack of stuff now points to someone who doesn't want to admit how rooted she is, who would like to pretend place is not vital to her, because I know it may be taken away randomly and is not, in reality, a safe space.
Wow, again, really, I must applaud your awareness. You know already. It's completely understandable. A house fire is incredibly traumatic. The loss of self more than the loss of stuff as we define ourselves (for better or worse) by our things. So please be gentle with yourself. Yours is an entirely natural reaction. And when you're ready, which may be now, begin to say, it's ok, I can put down roots again, even if it all gets taken away, because I KNOW I can, and will, survive. This IS my safe space. M xxxx
Thank you for this, Michelle. It has helped me understand the process I am currently going through. We’ve held my father in law’s life possessions here in our home while he ailed in a care home and following his death we took an age to face that room. We have been slowly tackling it and all the other house tasks, big and small, gradually integrating some old belongings with new through our spaces and parting with the rest. The room is our new grandson’s room now. Full of the future instead of the past.
Beautiful. And most important that you did it gradually. We always need to give ourselves time to process. Home is never just a neutral backdrop. Stuff is never just stuff. It all resonates with emotion, stories, life. M xxx
I enjoyed this post Michelle. Our family experienced multiple bereavements in a short time including two traumatic sudden deaths. With two young children and everyone traumatised the house became incredibly cluttered, with our own stuff and also stuff from my mother’s house. Dealing with any of it was so overwhelming and I agree with you - needed a lot of courage from me. But I also couldn’t have tackled any of it without the help of a lovely professional declutterer and organiser who could persist when I couldn’t and who understood the emotional enormity of what I was attempting.
Hi Michelle, I only subscribed this year but I enjoy all your posts. This one in particular has really resonated with me, my mother died almost 2 years ago and I have most of her house living in my spare room. I walk in, and immediately walk out again, overwhelmed, not just about living with my loss, but incapable of saying goodbye to my childhood, my life. What you wrote, I think, will help me find the courage to look forward instead of looking back.
Though of course there’s always the possibility that I’m just incredibly lazy 😂.
Thanks again,
Daveen
This is powerful! Your realisation. The awareness. Now you really can bring it into the light. It won't be easy because it's so deeply emotional. But when you start to sort through all of her things, deciding what to keep, and what you can let go of, the emotions will flood through you, and that's good. You need to allow it to happen. Not lock it away. Peace lies on the other side. M xxx
This post chimed with me, also. I think my house only really came together after our house fire, which was a process that taught me a lot about myself, both in the immediate decisions - what you take from a burning house does, indeed, reveal something about yourself - and in the few weeks afterwards, when we were faced with ruin, not knowing if the insurance company would pay up. I remember us resolving to use the opportunity to travel, in a van, with the dog, which was hardly a long-term future but indicated certain priorities, too. I threw away so much stuff after that and I think I've gone too far the other way. The lack of stuff now points to someone who doesn't want to admit how rooted she is, who would like to pretend place is not vital to her, because I know it may be taken away randomly and is not, in reality, a safe space.
Wow, again, really, I must applaud your awareness. You know already. It's completely understandable. A house fire is incredibly traumatic. The loss of self more than the loss of stuff as we define ourselves (for better or worse) by our things. So please be gentle with yourself. Yours is an entirely natural reaction. And when you're ready, which may be now, begin to say, it's ok, I can put down roots again, even if it all gets taken away, because I KNOW I can, and will, survive. This IS my safe space. M xxxx
Thank you for this, Michelle. It has helped me understand the process I am currently going through. We’ve held my father in law’s life possessions here in our home while he ailed in a care home and following his death we took an age to face that room. We have been slowly tackling it and all the other house tasks, big and small, gradually integrating some old belongings with new through our spaces and parting with the rest. The room is our new grandson’s room now. Full of the future instead of the past.
Beautiful. And most important that you did it gradually. We always need to give ourselves time to process. Home is never just a neutral backdrop. Stuff is never just stuff. It all resonates with emotion, stories, life. M xxx
I enjoyed this post Michelle. Our family experienced multiple bereavements in a short time including two traumatic sudden deaths. With two young children and everyone traumatised the house became incredibly cluttered, with our own stuff and also stuff from my mother’s house. Dealing with any of it was so overwhelming and I agree with you - needed a lot of courage from me. But I also couldn’t have tackled any of it without the help of a lovely professional declutterer and organiser who could persist when I couldn’t and who understood the emotional enormity of what I was attempting.
For anyone in the North West I recommend Amy’s services! https://sortwsnape.com