There’s a curious thing that happens when you’ve been on a long trip. When you come back, everything seems the same, as if you blinked and didn’t actually leave. Life at ‘home’ carried on blithely without you. Other people’s routines stayed the same. The clock ticked on.
Except you are different. Perspectives have been shifted, decisions made, changes already put into play. It can be a disconnect.
After all, life is mostly ordinary moments not epic trips to Japan. The concierge at the apartment building we stayed at is still doing her job. The kids will be back walking themselves to school. The freshly-made onigiri is being stacked on the shelves in the local convenience store. Same here in the UK. The ordinary rhythms of life continue.
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But when we do big trips it’s like we break through the matrix. We voluntarily step off the conveyor belt of the everyday and disrupt the algorithms for a moment enabling that different perspective. We’re permitted a glimpse of an alternative way of being. What a different kind of ordinary could be like. And if we don’t do this deliberately… I find that life tends to throw calamity in our path to force us to do it.
A film I watched on the plane, a 2013 Richard Curtis one called ‘About Time’ gave me an insight. In it, the father figure, played by Bill Nighy, tells his son that the male descendants in his line have always been able to travel back in time. Not to the extent of challenging Hitler or hanging out with Helen of Troy, but to change their own lives only. It gives them an ability to re-do things that didn’t go so well. So the son largely puts it into play to secure the girl of his dreams. It’s a cute film. Typically Richard Curtis.
But the bit that really resonates is when the dad tells his son later in the film that the real secret to using this time-travelling ability for happiness is to replay the very ordinary days. To live them, and then re-live each one but this time really revelling in the little moments of joy that you missed the first time around.
This is why I realised I scrapbook/album. It’s a way to capture all the little moments of joy as more than just pixels. It’s particularly important to me after a trip. All the thoughts, mementoes, leaflets and postcards collated before I forget. I want tangible proof that everything really was different for a while. That I was changed. Thus that I can continue to change. Not in a New Year New Start sense of wanting to be ‘better’ rather it’s about holding onto that feeling of expansion - of new thoughts, horizons and possibilities.
Of not being trapped.
That at any moment, any of us, could choose differently. It’s just that mostly we don’t. We think we can’t. We line up the excuses. But these are seldom reasons. Life flies by so fast and no-one gets out alive. We all know this and yet it’s so easy to get caught up in the keep on keeping on act that we forget.
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So I’m reminded that travelling slows down time. Our three weeks away felt like an eternity. Being a break from the norm, it inserted a decisive pause point. We were almost constantly on the move so it wasn’t like a retreat, plus to be blunt, travelling with children is a lot of ‘same shit, different place!’. Nonetheless it was a robust rejection of the usual Christmas obligations and a determined step onto a path of my own choosing.
It needn’t be such a long time away though - you know that feeling of going away on a Friday night, coming back Sunday and it feels like the weekend was twice as long, that works. And it certainly needn’t be long haul (I’m hoping to do such a trip every other year. I film IDM over every summer too so we don’t go away then).
Conclusion? We must deliberately make these time-slowing moments happen to be sure the ordinary everyday where we spend most of our time is where we want to be. And this isn’t about the privilege to travel, we can do this with a walk, with quiet time, with meditation. It’s what enables you to see.
It’s just that for me, this time, I needed a bigger disruption to help me get back to myself. More on this to come.
Oh Michelle . This is beautiful and has really brought me pause for thought . Thankyou !
Thank you for sharing, Michelle. I totally agree on weekends away feeling doubled in time. Thank you.
One thing I’d love to read about is your perspective on giving feedback/directness. It’s one of my areas to improve on this year. I always admire your honesty with kindness on IDM. It occurs to me that you can be very straightforward and clear in your opinion/questions without causing offence or defensiveness. Would love to hear how you developed this. Thank you!