Let's talk about... chronic stress
And why it must be eliminated, not just managed
Stress is an unavoidable part of life. From the moment we wake up to the minute we fall asleep, our minds and bodies process a barrage of external pressures, responsibilities, and unexpected challenges. While short-term or acute stress can be beneficial—sharpening our focus, pushing us into action, and helping us meet deadlines—chronic stress is a different ballgame altogether.
When stress becomes an unrelenting state, persisting for weeks, months, or even years, it stops being useful and starts becoming dangerous. Left unchecked, this sort of stress, which we call chronic stress, wreaks havoc on the body, contributing to everything from heart disease and digestive issues to weakened immunity and cognitive decline. It subtly erodes our quality of life, often without us even realizing the full extent of its damage.
In short, chronic stress shortens your lifespan. Chronic stress kills.
Yet, many of us have been conditioned to believe that stress is something to be managed rather than eliminated. We think we just need to be more efficient, tolerant, effective or resilient. If we could just employ the right staff, have a different boss, or get additional training, things would be better. We turn to mindfulness apps, weekend getaways, or a nightly glass of wine, believing these will keep stress in check. But the truth is, when stress has become chronic, it should not be contained or coped with—it must be removed at the root.
Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about aiming for a life of zero stress, some stress is good for us, as I already mentioned. Quite aside from which, a life of zero stress is a fantasy. There will always be difficulties, annoying people, toxic landlords and petty irritations. This is the nature of life. But these are usually transitory. And we can develop tools to help us navigate them in the short term — we learn not to try to control other people (See The ‘Let Them’ theory below.), and we find daily practices that keep us on an even keel. Living well becomes about riding the bumps without allowing them to derail you. In other words, we teach ourselves to deal better with the acute stresses in order to not allow them to become chronic.
However, if we allow the acute stressors to fester, that’s when it can start to go wrong. Let’s read on…
Acute Stress vs. Chronic Stress: Understanding the Difference
Acute stress is the body’s natural response to an immediate challenge or threat. It is short-lived, intense, and typically resolves once the stressful event has passed. Think of a looming deadline, a public speaking engagement, or narrowly avoiding a car accident. The body releases adrenaline and cortisol, sharpening our senses and preparing us to act. Once the challenge is over, hormone levels return to normal, and the body recovers. Acute stress is also, usually, linked to a purpose, or has meaning for us—we’re writing a book, or moving house for example.
Chronic stress, on the other hand, is a prolonged state of stress activation. Unlike acute stress, which is episodic, chronic stress remains constant—sometimes so subtly that we don’t even recognise its presence. It often stems from ongoing pressures like financial insecurity, work dissatisfaction, relationship conflicts, or unresolved trauma. Over time, the body remains in a heightened state of alertness, leading to systemic wear and tear. Instead of helping us adapt, chronic stress depletes us, leading to burnout, fatigue, and long-term health issues.
Why We Struggle to Acknowledge Chronic Stress
One of the most insidious aspects of stress becoming chronic is that we often fail to recognise it for what it is, let alone take steps to eliminate it, until life intervenes with a crisis that forces our hand.
As I write in Happy Inside, “Technology has accelerated the speed of life beyond our ability to cope, and being constantly on the go, juggling jobs and home life, tying ourselves to our desks, and clocking ever more hours in pursuit of ‘a good life’ is completely counterproductive.”
Let me give you an example from my own life. When I was Editor-in-Chief of ELLE Decoration, editing was an all-consuming passion. I loved creating the magazine but as the years went on, the framework (financial, logistical, staff support) that we published within became more and more constricted. I was constantly trying to find new ways to do more for less, without loss of quality. Trying to keep my talented team motivated when pay rises were not on offer. Plus, I actually wanted a life outside of work!
“I loved my job but a sense of encroaching unease that I was busting a gut to pay other people to enjoy the things that meant the most to me — caring for my son, walking my dogs — was building in intensity.”
Against this backdrop, my home was my refuge, and boy did I go full pelt into all the wellbeing management hacks as best I could as a single parent with a then toddler son. But ultimately, this was ongoing chronic stress I was trying to deal with, so the solution needed to be more radical. Quoting again from Happy Inside, “when you are in the flow of an authentic life, what I call choice points appear — profound moments when you are offered the opportunity to consciously change your trajectory.” And so it happened to me.
“As I juggled my professional and parental responsibilities, my self-care was beginning to fall by the wayside. Increasingly over-stretched, I’d compiled a revised plan proposing an additional day working from home, but before I had a chance to submit it, my publishing house decided to completely restructure the way it produced magazines. I disagreed with the proposal from the very core of my being, and knew in that moment that I needed to leave, rather than just tweak my commute.”
“And such is the way of life, in this very same time frame my father was unexpectedly diagnosed with prostate cancer. He died under a year later, just before Christmas, and one week after my employment contract officially ended. Thus, instead of being stuck in the office navigating one of the biggest issues of the year, I was at his bedside, holding his hand, as the last breath left his body.”
I tell you this story because I think it exemplifies a classic case of thinking if I could just change the way I do the job (ie it must be me), it’ll get better. What’s that phrase? It’s like shifting the deck chairs on the titanic.
1. Why do we ignore chronic stress: Mindset
Our mindset shapes our experience of stress, often determining whether we acknowledge or diminish its presence. Many people believe stress is inevitable, something to be endured rather than eliminated. Others may associate constant busyness with success, believing that stepping back or slowing down is a sign of weakness. OR rest is laziness. When stress is viewed as an unavoidable part of life, we are less likely to question it, let alone take action to remove it.
Quashing this injurious way of thinking is the first and most important thing to do.
2. A Lack of Decision-Making
The conversion of acute to chronic stress thrives in environments where uncertainty lingers. We stay in high-stress situations—an unfulfilling job, an unhealthy relationship, financial instability—because making a change feels overwhelming. The indecision itself becomes a source of stress, creating a vicious cycle. Rather than addressing the root cause, we adapt, normalise, and convince ourselves that stress is just part of life; or the relationship is a case of better-the-devil-we-know, or the job is not-that-bad.
Time to question those assumptions.
3. Limiting Beliefs
Our internal narratives play a crucial role in whether we accept or resist chronic stress. If we believe that we must always be productive, that work is supposed to be always demanding, or that life must be hard to be meaningful, we unconsciously trap ourselves in stressful environments. Do you know people who wear constantly being stressed as a badge of honour, mistakenly equating it with their value? These beliefs keep us stuck, preventing us from taking the necessary action to cultivate a healthier, more balanced life.
Maybe too, our limiting beliefs are a layer deeper; are we afraid to fail? Do we feel unworthy, unseen, or unheard? I’m going to dedicate my next post to the subject of limiting beliefs as this is what I think scuppers most of us, certainly it did me. And most especially because they are subconscious, thus cues that do not serve us yet we unwittingly allow to guide our lives.
4. A Lack of Faith
Faith—whether in ourselves, in the future, or in something greater than us—helps us navigate uncertainty. When we lack faith, we grip onto control, continuing to try to micro-manage outcomes, fearing that letting go or stepping into the unknown will lead to failure. Chronic stress feeds on this fear. We stay in toxic environments because we don’t trust that better opportunities exist. We hold onto obligations out of fear of disappointing others. Without faith, change feels impossible, and so we remain trapped in stress-inducing cycles.
But if we take steps in a direction that we truly believe aligns with our values (what I referred too previously as living an authentic life), then we need to really lean in to believing that we’re on our path. It doesn’t mean it’ll be all flowers and angels, but it’ll keep our thoughts and beliefs on side, rather than working against us. See previous point.
Eliminating Chronic Stress: What Actually Works
So, eliminating chronic stress requires more than the relaxation techniques or time management hacks that might have helped to alleviate acute stress, and you’ve also, I hope, started to reflect on what might be contributing to any denial of your own stress (we’ll dive deeper into this below). Allow me then to be crystal clear, eliminating chronic stress requires deep, intentional change. This is why most people do not do it and the UK now has the worst health outcomes in all of Europe.
