Plumbing, explained!
I did a course. Here's the nineteen most essential things that I learnt.
A while back, driven by extreme frustration, I enrolled myself on a domestic plumbing course that promised to condense 2 years of training into three hours. If nothing else, I mused, I'd be duly armed with the lingo so any subsequent call-outs wouldn't have me gesticulating wildly and referring to broken wotsits on underneath pipe thingies. It cost £60 and was worth every penny.
Herewith, 19 things I learned that weren't in the official notes...
Over time houses move. Grout moves. Baths tend not to. This is why showers are a frequent source of leaks. And don't even start on wet rooms, they prompt much sighing and whistling through plumber teeth.
Poo used to be called "night soil", hence that big thick pipe going out the back of the loo and down to the sewer being called a “soil pipe”. This is probably my favourite new fact.
A basin is not the same as a sink. The former resides in your bathroom, the latter in a kitchen. They require different taps because sinks are fed by cold water straight from the mains at a higher pressure. Basins are not. It doesn't explain why sink taps are so much more expensive, or why it's nigh on impossible to get a matching tap for the kitchen as bathroom, but that's tap design for you.
More on taps: you get what you pay for. They are mini feats of engineering involving in some cases ceramic cartridges. Because of this it's essential to note down the make and model number in case of problems, that way you’ll know what to ask for regarding spares. If not you can kiss goodbye to the whole tap. For the same reason step smartly away from those suspiciously good deals on obscure-brand hardware often found in large DIY stores, chances are they’re a one batch wonder and you have a better chance of winning the lottery than finding replacement washers that fit.
Water pressure is also quite a big deal when it comes to choosing taps, especially if you’re drawn towards posh European designer ones. Europe generally has higher pressure systems than here in the good old UK, consequently their taps have tiny pipes. Our drippy systems need bigger nozzles, so be alert to this when being seduced by chrome. Mr Plumber Teacherman was specifically rude about Vola taps. He repeated this several times, so I duly pass it onto you. Sorry Vola. However I believe that if you install a pump to boost your pressure, you can have as many Vola taps as you like.
On washers: they’re important. Again, to quote Mr Plumber Teacherman: “You cannot connect two hards without a soft in between”.
Curiously, the trap underneath your sink (or basin), is not for catching your earrings, or other small items accidentally dropped down the plughole, although it is mightily good at this. Rather it "traps" water in the U-bendy bit as a seal against stinky smells coming through from the sewer. The fancy-pants chrome bottle traps (ie shaped like a bottle rather than a U) are therefore recommended only for basins, as they don't do much ‘trapping’ because there really shouldn't be any stinkiness coming upstairs. I think this was roughly the jist of this on the reducing stink front. Very important.
Rice is a common culprit for gunking up your sink traps. And children’s toys are what usually block the loo. This is why plumbers ask if you have kids when you call them. They’re not being chatty or unnecessarily personal. It helps them determine what, and where, the blockage might be.
If you happened to be digging down aboout 75cm outside your house, any blue pipes uncovered are your water mains, the jolly yellow ones are gas. Leave them both well alone.
When it comes to valves, nuts, and things that may need twisting at some point, right-is-tight (ie clockwise = closed) and left-is-loose (anti-clockwise = open). But if you fully open something, always twist it back a turn to give yourself some wiggle room for when it gets furred-up and stuck and you inevitably desperately need to close it.