Let's talk about... giving feedback
Is it a coincidence that silent and listen are anagrams of each other? Top tips on giving good feedback, and active listening...
It’s almost that time again when Interior Design Masters graces our screens with Season Six! In truth, I’m getting a little ahead of myself, because I don’t actually have a confirmed transmission date yet (maybe early March-ish?).
But I mention it because in my role as Head Judge, alongside input from a bevy of most excellent Guest Judges, I decide who stays and who goes. But before this is the work, and after that is the feedback. And who gets, and responds best, to feedback, is often a critical determinant in who stays the distance.
I mention all of this because I was asked if I would discuss the concept of feedback. As one of my valued subscribers wrote, “I always admire your honesty with kindness on IDM. It occurs to me that you can be very straightforward and clear in your opinion/questions without causing offence or defensiveness. Would love to hear how you developed this.”
It gave me pause for thought. Which I love! Thank you
So, I see a lot of what I have to do as deeply-focused listening, open question prompting, and gentle drawing out of each competitor why they did what they did. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not my remit to subjectively adore what someone has done, nor is it relevant if I hate it. Which might surprise some people.
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Quite simply, I don’t believe my role is to talk about myself, or proffer my opinions. Maybe I can suggest alternative approaches in the context of, ‘Might you have considered this?’ or, ‘Did you consider that?’ but essentially I need to evaluate their adherence to (and understanding of) the brief and their designerly ambitions and motivations without bias. Do they have a clear point of view, and a reasoned approach?
But… I must confess, it’s exhausting. If I consistently actively listened in all my everyday encounters (including emails!), responding not reacting, checking that I’ve correctly assessed the situation before replying, and never snapping back in frustration or irritation, oh my how smooth life might be. But I’m human. My son winds me up. Telephone virtual assistants enrage me within seconds (I just want to talk to a person!), and dealing with any sort of life admin has to be strictly parcelled out to different days otherwise I lose the plot entirely.
As such, I think how good you can be at feedback is directly related to the level of stress you currently feel under. Sometimes you really do just want people to do stuff the way you tell’em! The flip side of that coin of course being that sometimes too, earlier clear feedback might have prevented the stress in the first place.
Nevertheless, on Interior Design Masters it’s a very specific situation where the designers are ready to state their case, and I’m prepped and ready to listen. I used to make copious notes, endless lists of possible questions, but after a few series realised I was better off without them. They distracted from simply listening. And that’s the key.
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So here’s my top tips/insights on how to give good feedback, plus some extra notes at the end on active listening…