July Letter 2024
How to make hard decisions easy; this approach is a serious game changer!
Few things can be more stressful than making big decisions. Shall I quit my job? Move house? Leave the country? Apply for that promotion? Get married! They are stressful because we do not know the outcome. And when we opt for one route, we can never know what might have happened had we taken a different path.
Therefore, for many things we may decide to do extensive research, or lengthy cost/benefit analyses, which can often result in stress and overwhelm, if not decision paralysis. And yet we believe these are the ‘proper’ ways to make such big decisions. Anything else would be to act impulsively and then we have only ourselves to blame for the outcome.
What a debilitating way to approach the opportunities of life. And yet, I confess, I have definitely been a fan of a lengthy pros and cons list!
And then I read about a different way to make our big moves thanks to the social psychologist Ellen Langer, (originator of the brilliant Counter Clockwise experiment as mentioned in previous posts). Based on research and experience, her suggestion is to simply make a choice based on the information available at the time, however limited. Then, rather than worry about whether the decision is ‘right’, we should simply make it right. Not that this means stubbornly sticking with something that is subsequently proven to be clearly a wrong turn, just that, we cannot ever say that the consequences of an un-made decision can be better or worse than any other.
I have a good example of this. As mentioned in last month’s Letter, I recently decided to move to a new county which entailed moving my son to a new school. I canvassed friends who knew my chosen area better than I did for recommendations, as well as a newer local acquaintance. I drew up a shortlist of three schools, and dutifully made appointments to visit each based on their advertised open days. The first school we visited was able to arrange a “taster day” the week after our introductory tour. At the end of that day my son came bounding up to me, absolutely beaming, saying he had no idea that learning could be so much fun! I cancelled the other appointments.
Would it have been useful to compare this experience with other options? I decided no. Why put us both under unnecessary pressure? He loves his new school and I’ve already made some wonderful new mum-friends too.
Funnily enough, on the same day that he did his taster day, I made appointments to see three potential new homes for us to rent with the intention of picking one by the end of the day. I did, and we are now very happily living there. Again, would delaying in order to view more options have been better? Again, nothing is really gained from considering it. Maybe I would have spent (wasted) a few more weeks looking, and seen larger, or cheaper, or worse?
And the net effect of making both of these arguably huge decisions with minimal stress and maximal excitement, was the opportunity to start our new life 5 months earlier than anticipated! We moved in April, not the planned September. I still think of that line in When Harry met Sally, when he turns to her and says, when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start straight-away!
Crucially, seeking to make the ‘right’ decision automatically presupposes that all other choices would be ‘wrong’ by default. But we can’t possibly know this. Plus, once we make a decision to take action, we are changed, and it’s not possible to assess what any alternative actions would feel like. In truth, decisions are always made in uncertainty. Once we accept this, life (and decision making) gets a lot easier! And beware ‘experts’ who try to tell you otherwise. It could be dangerous to hand ourselves over to them.
Bear in mind too that while some decisions could end up being a wrong turn or a (welcome) diversion, even then, you can still do a U-turn. Key is to keep moving forward. Keep making the decisions. After all, is it not said that fear is a reaction, courage is a decision.
What else is coming this month…
I have been doing some fascinating research into the power of mindfulness, and belief, and whether either can affect your health. In other words, can you think yourself healthy, or vice versa?
I’ve also been looking into What to eat for great sleep, prompted by reading something that described a good night’s sleep as a luxury. No! It is the ground zero of wellbeing and it’s about a lot more than just your bedroom decor, so we’ll dive into that as a free downloadable, in the second of my new series of bitesize checklists to get absolutely anyone started on the Better Home, Better Health journey. Please do let me know what you think of these as a format, and what future subjects you might like me to cover.
Then How to ‘do’ texture, as the most valuable player in the interiors toolbox, alongside a little dose of pattern, so I’ve prepped A Short History of Pattern to get you in the mood too. Plus, always more as I get inspired!
